Kevin & I

I’ve fallen in love like I never thought possible. Which is especially crazy for me since I’ve been married and though that whole experience as a battle with myself… I thought that was love… which in turn means I associated love with pain. And I never wanted to be in love again. Growing up I never wanted to be married, but being religious felt it was something I would have to do… so I did it, when I felt I had found the man God intended for me to be with. I’ve never felt I would have my own kids, but looked forward to making a difference in the lives of children around me… I’ve absolutely loved and cherished teaching at church, being a nanny, being a step mom, working in daycares, being a mentor and helping people I care about raise their children.

Though I’ve cared about people, and don’t see myself being alone all of my life, I did not imagine finding someone that I truly want to spend the rest of my life with. I never imagined finding someone that actually does exactly what I need him to do when I hurt, when I cry, when I feel anxious. I never imagined finding someone that would make me smile and mean every bit of it, someone that I would find as witty as myself. I never thought I would find anyone that I felt loved me and in all honesty would try to never hurt me.

But I found Kevin.



He is my older brother Scott’s best friend and we had quietly noticed each other the few days around Scott’s wedding. We hung out the night after the wedding and had an absolutely wonderful time. That night Kevin fell for me, and even when I wouldn’t give him my number (since I live in St. Louis & He lives in Sheboygan… didn’t see the point) he didn’t stop thinking that he had found the girl he wanted and was just going to do what he needed to do to be the kind of guy I would want to be with next time we saw each other. And I laugh that he always calls himself creepy because of it.

In October I found him on facebook, and pretty quickly developed a crush on him. We talked a lot but once I hung out with him again over my Christmas trip to Wisconsin is when I felt like I had actually found something I didn’t want to get away. We made plans for him to visit me 3 weeks later but that felt like a long time and when I realized I had 3 days off in a row I wanted to take advantage of it and took a trip back up north to see him. (shocking to anyone that knows me) Then he came to visit me this last weekend, which shocked all of his good friends.

Everything has been incredibly fantastic between us… even the brief moments when we don’t see eye to eye, or nics and dents from past relationships reveal themselves. Since this is a long distance relationship, I’ve felt like I need to be completely honest about how I feel or there’s no way to know if this is real or could work. It’s awesome to have someone on my side that feels I deserve better than I’ve surrounded myself with and doesn’t back down on that opinion when I throw all of my excuses and reasoning at him. He doesn’t want to change me, but he wants me to realize I don’t have to sell myself short…. And I know that I have been doing that for a long time, not in all ways, but in a lot of them.

He’s really good for me… and I hope I get to keep him around a long long time.