Sometimes I feel like a dog... I enjoy the thrill of sticking my head out the window of the car that's going 60 mph down the open road. I feel the wind in my hair, my squinty eyes are watering from that same wind, my flapping tongue is drying out quickly as it hangs out the side of my mouth and I'm loving every minute of it. Then a bug shoots into my nostel and the next minute I'm sneezing profusely as I pull my head back in. After my airway has cleared I look back at the window, remembering the sting, the pain, the annoyance & disappointment... but even before the uncomfortable memory has faded the wind is in my hair again, my eyes are squinted, and my heart is exploding with joy... but alas... there always seems to be another bug finding it's way up my nose. Not always a lesson learned... but maybe that's part of what makes it so appealing.
Sometimes I can relate to an Ant. I feel I was made to work, it is my purpose, my duty, my only option, built to carry 10x my weight. When I finally think I score big, since I climbed up the side of the house, found a opening in a window that leads right to a nightstand that holds the remains of a tasty snack. I can't wait to show it off to all my friends, I'll be famous back at the hill, the hero... Employee of the month. But then harsh reality sets in as we find ourselves shriveling up and struggling for air as we are sprayed with a killer gas.
Sometimes the salmon run sounds all too familiar... trying to race upstream both against friend and foe but mostly against the current of life in hopes to get some good booty. It always surprises me what a fight I'll put up just in order to get a piece of the one I want. It's not all sex drive though, If I didn't have something more in mind I'm sure I could find another lazy salmon to settle down stream with. But no, I fight the stream not only to get what I hope is the best, but to prove something to myself... and it's when I stop fighting, it's when I let my stream of thoughts push me back and steal the progress I made, that's when I realize what I wanted, and what I have lost. Often the current feels stronger everytime I start over.
I seem to have adapted the traits of a possum... at a starteling sound or movement, perhaps even one that was only in my imagination, I fall over playing dead in hopes to be passed by or over looked by whatever could possibly cause me pain. Silently screaming "Nothing special here, just another stupid 'dead' possum". The past few years I have become prown to watch TOO closely, to strain my eyes and ears to catch any sign of danger... recently I came to realize that if I believe it's there but don't test it, I'm going to think it's there, and I will play dead because the wind russeled the leaves not because there was something lurking waiting to strike. Playing dead only lets life pass me by. Stupid Possum.
Sometimes my heart speaks in riddles I don't even understand... until it could be too late.
But over all... Sometimes I take the same stupid joy rides and make the same mistakes before I've forgotten the consequences. Often I work too hard and it can lead to both my demise and possibly bring pain to those I care about. I have too strong of a sex drive companioned with both fear of and hope for love. I scare too easy, and play dead before I have checked to see if there is really anything there to harm me.
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